ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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