sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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