Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
