shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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