so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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