Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
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i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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