You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
