if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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