There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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