Say something about gay babies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
