i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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