I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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