I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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