Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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