Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
