Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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