I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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