I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
