You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
