Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
