Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
