i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
