garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
