just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I will be naked everywhere
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
