dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
