Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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