A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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