I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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