the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
be right there i have to get my cape
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
