what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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