I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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