Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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