i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
COCAINE IS GR8
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
