Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize