I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
