My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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