Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
