My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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