I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
