dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
