good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
