I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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