so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
