Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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