i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
