I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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