i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
