how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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