they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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