cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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