someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
