She is in my trunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
