We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
