drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
