your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
