I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
