You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
