you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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