the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
