I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
