Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
