so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
