I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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