All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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