batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
