3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
