Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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