Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
