speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
