well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
