Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
