I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found the puke drawer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
