But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
