sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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