Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We left an ass print on the piano.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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