There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im part way to drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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