I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
