Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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