somebody snuck up and got me drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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