Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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