You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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